Well I seem to have insomnia now, but I am very tired. It's a strange feeling wanting to go to sleep but you can't, but your body is exhausted. I feel like a 4 year old. I did finally get to sleep last night a 3am, and then a few times in the morning, but slept until 1pm. Nocturnal. Going to try to get this fixed soon. I have been walking about 6 blocks each day now for a week, feels good to get out. I am going to try to go grocery shopping with Pete tomorrow. Today was strong in the afternoon, I played with the kids, made them dinner, gave them a bath, did 2 loads of laundry and then put the kids to bed. After that, I grilled a steak and made 2 side dishes. So I felt human about half the day. I can feel it getting better slowly.
There is still this odd thing that happens daily where I feel like... well, like I am tripping, not full blown, but the very beginning of a trip when you start to notice things are not what they normally are. Walking for example, it's like I float a bit in space, my feet sometimes don't feel like they touch the ground, it's like I am not real. And then there are other moments where things are very surreal and cinematic, where the camera pans and there is no sound but the drops of rain touching the roof of the car, or the jingle of a dog's leash 2 blocks away, and then I pop out of it. I know it's my brain doing something strange.
I can feel where they cut my skull.
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I wonder if you would be comforted by floral essences... not a commercial... but... www.anaflora.com they are from Mt. Shasta and focus on Animal Floral Essences, but for people too! Not a cure of course!
ReplyDeleteI wish you had access to InfraRed Sauna and Soaking Tub at your disposal.
What you are sharing reminds me of Baba Ram Dass shared after he was "Stroked" (his words) and documented in Fierce Grace.
I will dedicate my Bikram class tomorrow to your ablity to share all this in a forward thinking, better feeling thought way.