How I Found Out - Pt 1

We have to go back about 5 years to start. I was working on this terrible Hallmark movie and everyone on the crew got really sick at the end. We were working 14-16 hour days and Soda was about a year old, so I wasn't getting much rest. When I got this cold, my lymph-nods swelled, and when I got better, one went down, the other didn't. It grew in fact, and by spring 2006 it looked like a golf ball. I had been to the doctor several times, but we figured I was still sick, so after trying steroids and other meds, she finally sent me to an ENT and for a blood panel.

I went to see the ENT in April, and at that point I had been working on Coraline for about 5 months, and the ENT ran some tests that would blow your mind, where they stick lots and lots of needles in the neck, and then the results came back. I had thyroid cancer. He actually told me it wasn't that bad, it was cancer-lite, because most everyone recovers with no more cancer. But I apparently had it for 18 years, when they took out my thyroid, they had to remove 100 cancer nodules, and it had metastasized to the lymph-nods and to the muscle in my neck. But they got rid of it. And I have a cool scar across my neck.

This led to me seeing an endocrinologist on a regular basis, ever quarter my blood is tested and my medication level checked and once a year she runs a test that takes 5 days where I get these shots, then take radiation, get scanned and get the results. If you can make it to year 5 with no new thyroid cells, you're pretty much in the clear. So this last October was year 4, and my dr. said that since my blood levels are perfect and there have been no cells for the last 4 years, let's just do a CT Scan, it takes only 15 minutes and it's better then having to go through a weeks testing. I said great.

I have never had a CT Scan, and if you have not, here's how it goes, they lay you on a table, put in an IV, inject you with a dye and scan you. It's fast, I don't like the dye, makes me feel sick. But I got out quick, had a nice bowl of Pho and went on with my day. I got an email from my internist a few days later saying that the good news was that I had no thyroid cells, but that there was something irregular in my brain, probably some dye, and that she wanted me to have another CT scan because there was the chance it might not be dye, it might be an aneurysm. Then my endocrinologist office called and asked if I could come in the next day at 6pm, the doctor needed to speak with me. I knew that wasn't good news. That was Oct 2009.

Where I am at Today

Well I seem to have insomnia now, but I am very tired. It's a strange feeling wanting to go to sleep but you can't, but your body is exhausted. I feel like a 4 year old. I did finally get to sleep last night a 3am, and then a few times in the morning, but slept until 1pm. Nocturnal. Going to try to get this fixed soon. I have been walking about 6 blocks each day now for a week, feels good to get out. I am going to try to go grocery shopping with Pete tomorrow. Today was strong in the afternoon, I played with the kids, made them dinner, gave them a bath, did 2 loads of laundry and then put the kids to bed. After that, I grilled a steak and made 2 side dishes. So I felt human about half the day. I can feel it getting better slowly.

There is still this odd thing that happens daily where I feel like... well, like I am tripping, not full blown, but the very beginning of a trip when you start to notice things are not what they normally are. Walking for example, it's like I float a bit in space, my feet sometimes don't feel like they touch the ground, it's like I am not real. And then there are other moments where things are very surreal and cinematic, where the camera pans and there is no sound but the drops of rain touching the roof of the car, or the jingle of a dog's leash 2 blocks away, and then I pop out of it. I know it's my brain doing something strange.

I can feel where they cut my skull.

Spring

Today I walked to the lab to get my blood drawn. I do this ever quarter for testing for thyroid cells, which I have  none to date. The key to thyroid cancer is to get to the 5 year mark. This is my 4th year. The walk was very windy, and I felt very tired walking, so weak and strange, but then I saw my first dogwood of the season and it helped me out. Then the phlebotomist and I were chatting and it turns out her best friend had brain surgery on Thursday, and now one of her eyes doesn't work, this reminded me why I am grateful and fortunate that my surgery went very well, 10-15% of patients wind up with a problem like no speech, vision issues etc.

So on the way back home I took a picture of that dogwood, just as a reminder to myself that I am lucky.

Biscuit and Yoshi

My cat and dog have been very good support, they seem to never leave my side, which is very nice.

Little Steps

Today was Easter and I made dinner for the first time since surgery 3 weeks ago. It was a simple meal of grilled lamb, Israeli couscous, asparagus and salad, with a simple goat cheese and cracker starter. We finished with cake, which I got a New Seasons. I was so tired after my mom left, I had a 3 hour nap. Feeling stronger each day, and feel like I can take on just a little bit more. Looking forward to being all better once again. 


Ironically, this is April, which was when I found out I had Thyroid Cancer 4 years ago. I currently have no trace of Thyroid cells anywhere in my body, which means in 12 months, I will have passed the 5 year mark, which means I can stop undergoing quarterly visits with my endocrinologist. The ironic part is once you pass the 10 year mark, life insurance companies will consider you risk free...but then the brain part came in, so I guess that's off. But at least I am cancer free, and that means a ton. 

Check Up

OHSU Neurosurgery Office

Yesterday I went to the doctor for a check up. My sutures look excellent, I seem to be progressing very well. I seem to be doing everything I am supposed to be doing, which is apparently sleeping. I feel like I am turning into a cat. 


I have to say if you are going to have brain work done in Oregon, you want to use OHSU. They are very professional and compassionate. Dr. Delashaw is an amazing doctor. And the view from the 8th floor is great.


My next check up is April 16th. And they say I should be back to 100% normal by June. 

Help

There has been an amazing show of help since we made the choice to have the surgery. My bio-Mom, Jan came out for 10 days and stayed with us, took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned, made sure all we had to worry about was the surgery and recovery. She's pretty amazing. She and my father were high school sweethearts who wound up pregnant, and after a long hard choice, she put me up for adoption. We found each other when I was 25, so it's been a long time now. She and her husband live in Texas so we don't see her often, but when the chance occurs, it's like magic. She's very much my mom, same laugh, same sense of humor, same off key signing, it's wonderful having her around. It was hard to say good bye.

Our children attend a Montessori nearby, which is great, if you ever live in Hillsboro, Oregon, this is the preschool you want your kids to attend. Soda isn't in Kindergarten yet, but she can read and write 5 letter words and do math, blows me away. The parents are very cool and very kind. One parent in particular, Rebecca, arranged to have everyone cook for us for many weeks, it's saved us frankly, because of my low energy I can't do a damn thing, so having dinner done every day is a life saver.

So in this sense, there is of course the greater gift of seeing the good side of humanity, so much kindness and effort. I promise to pay it forward when I recover.